so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
please come you make the beer taste better
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside