Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
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PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
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I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.