cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad