I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
