if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
