My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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