I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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