How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
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How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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