dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
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