I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
