you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
