I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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