im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
