24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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