Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Randomize
