we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
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