My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
