No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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