he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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