those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I still have a little drunk in my system
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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