You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
