who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
