yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Everclear isn't food dammit
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
