He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
