Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
My bed smells like the plague
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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