I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize