dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
