Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
