Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize