my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
