last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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