I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
