he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
