shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
