He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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