I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
