please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
