i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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