i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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