I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
3pm strippers are depressing
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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