my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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