Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I just found a bag of teeth...
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
last night I used snow as a chaser
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
