YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Found the puke drawer
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
