well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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