I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
