i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
