i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
