Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
