He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
