are you still at the devil's house?
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
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