yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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