she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
What a dumb baby whore.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
