Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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