His pubic hair was longer than his dick
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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