There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
