I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Is her dick bigger than yours?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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