i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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