if you like me you must not know who I am
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
