No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
