Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Randomize
