that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
