I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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