Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
