what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
