i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
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I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
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Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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