Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
