oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
