my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
