the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
