To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
please come you make the beer taste better
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
