This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
